Few poems.

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You want to catch me while you can

But you were never part of the plan

Stay away, you cant stop me now

It’s your own fault, you let me down

You filled my head with all these lies

Tortured me and watched me cry

I begged you not to mess with my head

So you tore out my heart and ripped it to shreds

Now it’s far too late to apologise

You had your chance to save my life

All the things you wish you’d said

They don’t matter now I’m dead

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As I lay dying, You’ll see I’m crying,

My heart is empty through all the lying,

I’d still be alive, learning to survive,

If it weren’t for lack of trying.

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I never knew I could feel so small,

As I stand atop this building and prepare to fall,

The time has come for me to die,

I swallow my tears and say goodbye,

I strongly advise you to do the same,

You will never see me alive again,

For I have taken that fatal step,

Falling steadily towards my death,

The sky appears to turn to black,

As the concrete pavement meets my back,

My soul is gone, it feels no pain,

She is free to wander in the pourng rain.

Ok so things have changed. I feel less shit about myself. I may be starting to get back in sync with my friends. I hope so anyway. New people too. Which is not as awkward as it seems, surprisingly. My 18th is coming up, not sure wether or not to look forward to it or not. My birthdays haven't exactly been great in the past. Well they were ok when I was with friends. Family ruined it. So this year, no family on my bday. Just drinking, smoking (weed), possibly getting a tattoo, depending on how much money Dad leaves for me in the morning. I have stopped eating quite a bit, except when I have munchies, then it's impossible to resist Doritos. I hate being in Nottingham most of the time, cuz I sit and talk to myself like a crazy person. I miss having a best friend. I miss my dog. I miss my sister. I miss hugs, and being a prat with people. God help me I even miss Rawlins. Meh. Mmf has become a big part of my life again (shush don't tell anyone), simply because it's the only thing to do that takes my mind off the shittyness of the world.

But ho-hum, life goes on.

^.~

really long time.
im adopted. i just know it. nobodys real mum could be this mean. im going to live in a tent and starve myself thin so i can buy cheaper clothes from charity shops and save enough money to hire a private detective to find my real mum. i cnt wait to meet her. i bet shes really nice. i know shell like me when im better and when she gets to know me. i wonder why noone ever told me about her. i do have a right to know.

Long time...things have taken a turn for the worse..Jacob is nowhere to be heard from, the things I spent 3 years working for are going down the shitter, and I have stepped on a broken video player..In a way I win. My self destruction is free to take over, and noones really here to stop me..but at the same time I lose. My friends, my happies. Gone. As quickly as it comes, its taken away. Ah well. Life goes on, I suppose. Ugh, I tried so hard to just get on, but something blocks me, I dont know why. Or what it is. Meh. Bday in 2 days. Noone will stop me then. For once, things are going to go my way.

She hides behind the shadow of dark. The cuts. The blood. The pain. The tears. She shakes. She cries. She’s hurt. Lonely. Sad. The fear takes over. Scared. She needs you. She needs your words. Your voice. They calm her like a mothers touch calms a crying baby. She’s changed. She regrets the promise. Blue, Green, Red. Rose Petals. Kisses. Hugs. Smiles. Abstract paintings on bare walls. Butterflies. Knives. She’s lost.

I found a load of quotes today that apply to how I feel about you..

No matter how many times I get in my state where I need to push everyone away just remember I will always love you and don’t ever forget it even though you think I might.

I cared. Too much. I found out you could have cared less. You hurt me and you don’t even know it.

My favorite place would be in your arms falling asleep with you whispering sweet nothings in my ear.

I want you to buy me flowers, just because its tuesday.

t is not the kiss itself, but the moment right before the lips touch, that leaves you speechless.

Take time to think about those people you love, how you appreciate them, and thank them while you can.

You've seen me at my weakest but you take me as I am, and when I fall you offer me a softer place to land.

And when she kissed me that day I couldn't help but think this is exactly what I waited for.

For someone I love, I'd die a horrible death, battle the underworld, come back, and do it all again.

The spaces between our fingers were made so another persons fingers could fill them.

Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you was beyond my control.

Never give up on the one you love because you never know when they’ll love you back.

I didn't say "I Love You" to hear it back... I said it to make sure you knew.

The only thing worse than a broken heart is knowing I'd give you another chance.

So just whisper sweet nothings in my ear and hold me tight. Make this night last forever, cause it may be the last.

There’s no way I could look in your eyes and tell you I don't love you.

You dont have to worry about me not loving you tomorrow.

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And what started this? I remembered that first kiss. And now Im crying my eyes out.

The World Spins Madly On..

Woke up and wished that I was dead
With an aching in my head
I lay motionless in bed
I thought of you and where you'd gone
and let the world spin madly on

Everything that I said I'd do
Like make the world brand new
And take the time for you
I just got lost and slept right through the dawn
And the world spins madly on

I let the day go by
I always say goodbye
I watch the stars from my window sill
The whole world is moving and I'm standing still

Woke up and wished that I was dead
With an aching in my head
I lay motionless in bed
The night is here and the day is gone
And the world spins madly on

I thought of you and where you'd gone
And the world spins madly on.