zomg. i am loved. ^^ i need nothing else. only hugs. but either way, i am loved.

i have started smoking again. :( but i got 6 weeks, so next time i quit i can go for 8 weeks i think. i think i did quite well. i have also made a mess of my arm a bit but i am loved now, so i dont need to do it again.

its odd, i have never heard those words from someone else who wasnt family. ^^
i told her, i wish she was my mum, and she said id end up not liking her, like i dont like my real mum. and i said i wouldnt. and i showed her what i did to my arm and she hugged me. and didnt let go for ages. and i told her, i love you, you know. and she says 'I love you, too.'
i dinny flipping believe it. so i say 'really?' and yes, and that shes got a lot of love.
and i have some of it ^^

harharhar, this is funny : http://www.warninglabelgenerator.com/

IT IS THE FIRST DAY OF SPRING. so why am i sad?
i dunno. i miss my help mom.

my tree died. she was a baby. about 2 weeks old. i named her Olivia. and she is now dead. i have pressed her, as i did the others. there is one left. i name her Olivia too.
am now eating apples to get more seeds to grow more trees

A wee pink-purple poppy.

She stood, swaying in the rough dirt. 3 buds, struggling to bloom and one big, beautiful flower that took my breath away. The edges of her petals were bright pink, the centre was deep purple. Never had I seen a poppy this colour before. Red ones were common and I had seen some in purple but this to me was beyond belief, I had no idea these colours existed on this plant. 'I must be lucky', I thought, 'to have found this. Noone else speaks of pink-purple poppies so they must be rare'. Her roots had burst out of the ground, gasping for nutrients having been starved by the dry earth. I brought fresh soil and compost for the plant, and began to care for her. Watering her every day when I returned from school and checking on her in the mornings before I left. I spoke to her, just as I would have liked to have been spoken to, were I a plant, alone outside, no others like myself. I urged the smaller buds to grow and flourish, not just so she would not be lonely, also because just she had brought a little beauty into the world and her three sisters could do the same.
But the weather had become highly unreasonable and the winds were cruelly fierce. I gave her more soil, to make her roots more secure in the dirt, but it was not enough. One day, I returned from school and saw my poppy lying on her side, almost completely uprooted. I panicked and scooped her up, out of the soil and I lay her on the ground next to me. I dug a small hole with a stick and filled it with with compost, placed her roots in it and covered them, standing her upright and trying to firm the soil to hold her positon. I sat with her and spoke to her still, and took a photo, just in case.
Always, when I got out of the taxi from school, I could see her as soon as I got out. Bold and beautiful, she was hard not to look at. But one day she was different. the bright pink blob i saw from metres away had changed shape. My bag hit the floor as I dropped it and ran to her. The worst had happened. One pink-purple petal was on the ground, browned at the edges. 2 of the 3 sister buds had given up and started to wilt. I knew she was dying, but still watered her and sat with her every day. I watched the last few of her silky soft petals fall to the ground day after day and stayed with the dying buds until they had blackened and died too.
The heads hollowed and soon I took the seeds. I longed to plant them, to see those gorgeous vibrant colours again. I kept the heads in a food bag, in case I lost some seeds, and kept the bag on the windowsill, trapped inbetween books. Alas, with people in the house bumping into the books, the bag was soon dislodged. Many a time I moved it, many a time it happened again, until soon, it was nowhere to be found. Thus, I lost hope for my pink poppys and after a while, gave up the search for the seeds. I felt I had let her down, and the world. The beauty was gone. Four lives had gone, ones I had cherished and ones I know had tried hard at life. At first I blamed the wind, for uprooting them in the first place. But the wind was nature, and nature was the poppies, so I couldnt blame that. I blamed myself instead. Had I put her in a pot and sheltered her from the winds violent rages, she might have lived. I hoped some seeds had already thrown themselves to the ground and grown, but I was moving on. By the next poppy season, I would live in a new home, and would seldom come here.

I walk up the path, towards my new house, carrying a box of by belongings, my mother and sister ahead of me. I step into my garden and stop dead in my tracks. There, in the border near the fence, is a cluster of poppies, dead now and brown, but still standing, their heads still full of seeds. I stand in front of them, and pull the heads off, gently and take them inside where I empty the seeds out onto the lid of a jam jar. I pour some into my hand and scatter them in the garden, near the hedge, in the corner, anywhere. I want the garden to be full of colour, no matter what colout it may be. I pour the rest of them onto the border, next to the previous lot and then stop and stare. Tears form in my eyes as I smile at this precious sight I had given up hope for. There on the ground inbetween the cracks in the earth, is a petal. A poppy petal. A pink-purple poppy petal.

*~true~*

and now i feel like shit.
i wish jackie was my mum. i dont love my own mum. i love jackie more. and olivia. and anthea. should i feel bad? i dont think i do anyway. i just wanna hug them. and not let go.

OHMYGOD MY POLLY IS HERE!!!!! i am grinning so much i think my head is gonna fall off! i love her sooooooooooo much!!!!!!! we havent been in chat together in sooooo long. i am naming the next tree that grows 'polly'.
and we gonna write to each other. itll be the same as in chat, hearing from each other once a week. cos shes in NZ but itll be COOLER.

ohmygoooooooood!!!! i just VOLUNTARILY cleaned my room. and hoovered it. and its all clean and shiney!!! and La!!! and i can see all of my carpet!!!
i have had a WOW day. i went into town WITHOUT MY MP3. at all. and i missed the bus so i walked to the next village and got a different one. :) and i has gotted 3 new tops, 2 of which are long sleeved. 1 of these is striped. 1 of them is plain blue. the 3rd is striped but with short sleeves. and not a one of them is black. (sounds like this should be some form of brain twister puzzles - bet ye cant guess what colour they are!).
and i am gonna grow lillies... very pretty things lillies are. and i am gonna grow more treeeeees!!!
i really shouldny be up at this time...