Ok these are letters I wrote to something a few days ago and one of them was today

"Why am I feeling sad? Idk Somethin better come along and cheer me up. cba with feeling like this all day. why the fuck can i not have jsut one day to be happy? maybe its something stupid like emma laughing at me when my phone went off. maybe its because Laurens fucktard father wont let her stay round mine cuz shes 'always round mine' which it bollocks btw/ its one fucking night. once a ewek is not always. fucking wish she was always at mine. maybe i wouldnt be such a miserable git. well fuck them. as soon as im 18 im getting out. i dont care if i live in a shed. i dont care where i am as long as i got Lauren. but id rather Lauren live somewhere nicer than a shed. if we're even still 'we' when im 18 which is like 500 days or something. i hope we are. im happy like this. i hope Lauren is. not happy when shes not allowed to stay over though. ill be happy on saturday. we are going to charnwood waters to chain smoke and eat cookies. and i am going to find and steal my sisters camera or i will buy a disposable one from savers because on google charnwood waters looks pretty and i like tking ictures of pretty things. Lauren is pretty. she doesnt think she is but she is. she is perfect to me.
i feel a bit happier now. except for emma just being there but she isnt worth the shit on my garden. i think dani is ignoring me now. ah well. i have a Lauren. i dont need anyone else. that includes you mister. im not even gonna aknowledge your name anymore mainly because ive forgotten wether or not i even gave you one and you dont deserve one anyway"

"Ha ha youre not getting meeeee. but of course you know how i feel about this weed business. special occasions only is how id like it but ofc you know i do whatever Lauren does. if it gets too much you know theres a chance than ill start talking to you again. i dont want to but you fucking know how close i got yesterday. ill smoke the stuff but i hate seeing Lauren do it more than me. and getting all "just one more burn" with it all.. i dont want to lose her to drugs. ill mke some sort of deal with you. if Lauren and me become un-Lauren and me you can come back for a few days a week, k? but right now im happy and im trying to have a good life. and i dont want this to end now ive got Lauren. i want Lauren to stay. shes better than you. she doesnt hurt me and you do. she doesnt want me to be miserable and you do. and she loves me. i think. i hope.. you just like me being here so i can be the next thing you ruin. well this could be my one chane at happiness so i gonna try my damned hardest to keep hold of it. it it ends youll be here until another chance comes along. you do not have permission to fuck up possible chances, including this one. thats the deal. if it goes by istelf then you can come back for a bit. thats it. im making the rules. and you can fucking leave Lauren alone too."