i cried loads...i had to get Bev to call Sarah - i thought she wasnt gona come in..but she did ^^
i had to say goodbye cuz i might not see her until september..
i told her what i got for my bday, told her i was going to wales, told her i was gona see my dad..told her id miss her..told her i love her very much...asked why she doesnt say it...and then she did ^^ she says i know thats what she thinks, but its different when someone says it..like, in a good way..
and then she had to go invigilate in an exam. and i wanted to ask her something so i had to wait until 3:30 (almost an hour after school finished) and i walked with her a bit.. i asked her if shed come in on monday when i leave for wales, but she has plans..she might come in on results day, when i find out what GCSE grades i get. but i will definitely see her in september.
and i asked.. 'will you always love me?' and she said 'of course i will'.
and that is all i need :')

- update -

i have a lightbulb
i have a lot of bday money
i am off ebay
i am no longer in school with the bitches who think i am a crack whore
there have been no sightings of small children
i just ate pizza
there is soo much coffee downstairs and i am now wondering why it is not in my system
i am getting more socks


and the best part? i will always be loved ^^

summarising my half year so far.

-Negatives-
i have no lightbulb in my room
my savings consists of few copper coins in the bottom of a large smirnoff bottle
i sleep on the floor
i owe me mam £27.69
i am addicted to ebay
my sis is a bitch
there are trolls everywhere
apparently i am on crack
small children now frighten me
i am losing my liking for pizza
there is not enough coffee, ever
i do not get enough sleep
i have only one matching pair of socks

-Positives-
i have Sarah
i have been huggled lots

(good things come to those who wait [one and a half years to be exact - what would i do without you?] )

The World Is Now A Bright And Shiny Place

whyyyyyyyyyyyy? the existence of my absolutelyfuckingfabulous earphones is consistent. ebay have them. i love ebay. *sings ebay jingle* there are at least 16 sets availible and i want them allllll

I HATE YOU YOU STUPID INTERNET
I WANT A LIFE DAMMIT
I DONT WANT TO BE A FUCKING ROBOT
NOTHINGS REAL
YOU, ME, LOVE, HATE.
ALL FAKE.

ohmygod
i am happy
i am loved
woooooooooooooop
MAN you couldnt stop me smiling if you tried, you evil buggers - you know who you are
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!

i felt a bit eeh so wrote a load of poems...

--------

black hate - blank stare - dont wait - i wont be there
dont touch me - leave me alone - whatever you say - im not coming home
ill sleep on the corner - the bench outside - dont get silly - dont dare cry
dont try to find me - dont call my phone - whatever you say - im not coming home
dont start apologising - its far too late - theres too much distance - too much space
i never belonged to you - im free to roam - whatever you say - im not coming home
im what you made me - and now im gone - you ruined your daughter - but shes not alone
shes got her own loved ones - all over the world - in the hearts of those people - is where she calls home

--------

look left
look right
disappear
into the night
noone watching
noone there
you dont notice
you wont care
walk faster
leave you behind
dont know where im going
and i dont mind
walk all night
until light shines through
out of the darkness
into the blue

--------

why me? what did i do?
i didnt choose to be stuck with you
let me out, let me be free
ill be alone if it makes me happy
you push me away, by clinging on tight
i disappear into the night
ill fly across the ocean to a place ive never seen
but ill find somewhere i can belong, ill have everything i need

--------

rain falling
truth dawning
tears drying
its not me crying
i dont need you
i wont see you
you werent there
youd never dare

--------
-Blue