OMG so today was kinda good. like really good. spent an hour on the school bus just going thru barrow cuz of the fecking floods, that wasnt really good. skived 2nd lesson with Lauren, eating pastry things and such. she fixed my arm again.
lesson 3 boring as fuck. picked Lauren up from maths and met a rather nice smell coming from a ciggie packet. grabbed Lauren, followed the spliff *FOLLOW THE SPLIFF!!!* snuck out to the back of the sports hall and did 2 burn passes on this massive weedthing :D then of course i wanted more pastry to i had to argue with some random woman who wouldnt let me out then i kinda ran out when the door opened. then had to argue with the same woman to get back in with my cookies and pastry and biscuits and pepsi and MARSHMALLOWS!!!! and i bought a fucken potato for lunch. still hungry when i got home
bit mehh at lunch i guess but it was accidental so lets forget about that because its not really that bad. and and and Lauren get her science results back and goddamnit they were all A's she is so fuckin smart im jealous. grr. i loves her so fucking much. meow. SQUEAKY SQUEAKY
anywhoozlebees time for me to go get some baccyyy hehehehe

Ok so Jemma had a bad dream sort of thing in which someone attempted suicide. I know. Not nice. But Jemma managed to make a poem out of it and make it less sad (I hope).

I see you lying there
Your painted nails and messed up hair
Blood dripping on the floor
Almost the same as the time before

I know the difference though
This time you don't really want to go

I see it in your eyes
As you let out one of those
pain filled, heart breaking cries
To tell me you don't want goodbye

My silent tears land
On the blade, still in
your bloodstained hand
I take it, and you try to stand

To fall into my arms
You tell me that you know
you've caused a lot of harm
You wish your mind and soul were calm


And it doesn't make sense when you say
That I deserve better than you
just because you make me cry somedays
I'm happy you're still with me today

I'll stay with you no matter what you do
I won't let you throw your life away -
I'm here to help you see it all through
And every day, I'll make sure I say
That I will always love you x

RIGHT
YOU WON THIS TIME
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU CAN GO FUCK YOURSELF
I WONT LET YOU WIN SO EASY NEXT TIME I TELL YOU THAT NOW. THERE ARE BETTER THINGS IN THE WORLD THAN A SICK FUCKER LIKE YOU. YOU CAN GO FUCK YOURSELF
I DONT NEED YOU, NEVER HAVE SO FUCK OFF BACK TO WHICHEVER DUSTY CORNER YOU CAME FROM. THATS RIGHT, IM TELLING YOU WHAT TO DO.
DONT LIKE IT? TOUGH SHIT. YOUVE RULED ME FOR LONG ENOUGH AND ITS MY TURN NOW. MY LIFE, MY RULES. I WAS STUPID TO LET YOU IN NOW IM KICKING YOU BACK OUT
GEDDIT?
GOOD
NOW PACK YOUR BAGS, MISTER S/H, YOURE ON YER WAY
YOU WONT DRAG ME DOWN

just fuck off
i dont want you in my head i never wanted you in my head
all i want is to be happy with Lauren and youre making me think that all i want is to hurt myself right now and now that is what i want but i dont want to be left behind but i dont want Lauren to cut so are you happy now? im confused and scared and shaky and the blades are next to me and a pile of tissues
i think youve already decided that im going to do it but i dont fucking want to
i dont want to make Lauren fail but i dont want to be left behind
you evil piece of shit. if you were a person id fucking drown you in all the blood you took from me you bastard
why wont you let me stop? i know youre getting fun out of this but whats in it for me? FUCK ALL is whats in it for me
why not go pick on someone who enjoys the feeling they get from you?
just leave me the fuck alone

When one is trying to quit S/H and when one has an urge:

✗
Avoid hospital shows like casualty and holby city
Tempting though it may be to just "see how hard it is to remove that blade" dont fucking do it
Avoid situations that normally make you cry / get pissed off
Dont listen to sad music

✓
Paint
Draw
Write
Talk to someone who knows how you feel and who can help you
Make something pretty
Watch something that makes you piss your pants laughing even though its really not that funny. Hell put it on yer iPod.
DANCE
Make a list of good stuff thats happened and make one of good stuff to look forward to like seeing friends, and then plan it and grin wildly.
Excercise
Never thought id say it, but tidy. Might take yer mind off it.
And if you must do so, masturbate. "A wank a day keeps the doctor away"

ahh Lauren raped me lol
we made brownie :D
ehhh
idk
do i? no
hm
i think i is an emotional wreck and it scares me because sometimes i dont feel like crying but then i just randomly start crying and i hate it cuz i dont really have a reason. cuz ive cried like 3 times already and its for like, little things. and idk why.
and for some reason if i get pissed off i just wont talk. but then i feel bad if i dont talk to Lauren but then i talk in sign language but she cant understand sign language so i have to talk and sometimes i just want to shut up and meh.
i dont want to want to stop talking. but sometimes i jsut have to concentrate on shutting up otherwise i might start concentrating on shit things.
i love Lauren
i want to make her happy. i dont know how to.
life sure is a bitch. lol here i come droppin plates on your ass bitch

ok so we are fucked again slightly because of my mothers stupidness and my inactive brain
i am technically in an unoficial relationship (that confuses even me and im the one writing the thing)
i am cold
this hair dye sucks
tomorrow is friday
sleep at Laurens
omfg
i want brandy (hahaha swallowing brandy tastes like swallowing jizz)
i want to play guitar but i cant lol
omg i think i went mad
look how much wasted space i could have just put it all on one line like this and kept on going like this without pressing enter or i could save even more space and type withoutusingthespacebarattheendofeachword
LOL ohmygod someone help me i think im happy again WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ^^
i wonder ig this sentence will make sense if i type iw withour looking at the ketbpars
lol no it doesnt
well actully someone could probably work out what it says but not everything is spelt right lol
do i care? i think not
omg
xD
radadadaaaaaaaaa