- update -

i have a lightbulb
i have a lot of bday money
i am off ebay
i am no longer in school with the bitches who think i am a crack whore
there have been no sightings of small children
i just ate pizza
there is soo much coffee downstairs and i am now wondering why it is not in my system
i am getting more socks


and the best part? i will always be loved ^^

summarising my half year so far.

-Negatives-
i have no lightbulb in my room
my savings consists of few copper coins in the bottom of a large smirnoff bottle
i sleep on the floor
i owe me mam £27.69
i am addicted to ebay
my sis is a bitch
there are trolls everywhere
apparently i am on crack
small children now frighten me
i am losing my liking for pizza
there is not enough coffee, ever
i do not get enough sleep
i have only one matching pair of socks

-Positives-
i have Sarah
i have been huggled lots

(good things come to those who wait [one and a half years to be exact - what would i do without you?] )

The World Is Now A Bright And Shiny Place

whyyyyyyyyyyyy? the existence of my absolutelyfuckingfabulous earphones is consistent. ebay have them. i love ebay. *sings ebay jingle* there are at least 16 sets availible and i want them allllll

I HATE YOU YOU STUPID INTERNET
I WANT A LIFE DAMMIT
I DONT WANT TO BE A FUCKING ROBOT
NOTHINGS REAL
YOU, ME, LOVE, HATE.
ALL FAKE.

ohmygod
i am happy
i am loved
woooooooooooooop
MAN you couldnt stop me smiling if you tried, you evil buggers - you know who you are
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!

i felt a bit eeh so wrote a load of poems...

--------

black hate - blank stare - dont wait - i wont be there
dont touch me - leave me alone - whatever you say - im not coming home
ill sleep on the corner - the bench outside - dont get silly - dont dare cry
dont try to find me - dont call my phone - whatever you say - im not coming home
dont start apologising - its far too late - theres too much distance - too much space
i never belonged to you - im free to roam - whatever you say - im not coming home
im what you made me - and now im gone - you ruined your daughter - but shes not alone
shes got her own loved ones - all over the world - in the hearts of those people - is where she calls home

--------

look left
look right
disappear
into the night
noone watching
noone there
you dont notice
you wont care
walk faster
leave you behind
dont know where im going
and i dont mind
walk all night
until light shines through
out of the darkness
into the blue

--------

why me? what did i do?
i didnt choose to be stuck with you
let me out, let me be free
ill be alone if it makes me happy
you push me away, by clinging on tight
i disappear into the night
ill fly across the ocean to a place ive never seen
but ill find somewhere i can belong, ill have everything i need

--------

rain falling
truth dawning
tears drying
its not me crying
i dont need you
i wont see you
you werent there
youd never dare

--------
-Blue

OHMYGOD so many happies so many sads...i am loved...i am hated...wtf?
me sister wants me dead...im sure of it...she tells me she loves me and feels sorry for me, but then says im a fat / obese bitch and tells me to piss off to America...telling me wherever i go noone will ever love me? FUCK that. then i get told that i AM loved, but idk. why is it so hard to believe?